The former Los Angeles Chargers lineman King Dunlap was arrested last month on suspicion of violating a restraining order taken out by his ex and the mother of his child.
We spoke with Dunlap's attorney, Worrick Robinson, who says the whole thing was a giant misunderstanding -- he was just at the home to pick up clothes. Robinson says Dunlap and his ex are on good terms at the moment and are focused on working together to co-parent their two kids.
The 31-year old 6' 9" 330 lb offensive tackle was let go by the Los Angeles Chargers March 13th. The Denver Broncos have already expressed an interest and Dunlap intends on continuing to co-parent with his ex.
One of the more difficult tasks for mothers after successfully leaving an abusive husband or boyfriend is navigating a relationship with them as a co-parent. One such survivor was featured in a blog post on the Little Things website in partnership with the abuse support organization Safe Horizon. The woman sharing her experience is a social worker and had a lot of experience helping other women in similar situations before one day her soon to be ex-husband attacked her.
Co-parenting with an abusive ex
I got a court order of protection — he can’t come to my work, he can’t come to other places. In my instance, though, I was already going through family court for my divorce and I was still in that process. Working in the family court system for so many days for my job, I can say it is so easy for it to become overwhelming. He was granted visitation and because of that, he can be in touch with me as long as it has to do with our daughter.
~ Little Things
She had to learn to process her anger in order to continue to deal with her ex remaining in her life, even at a distance. Setting boundaries with her ex-husband was a very important requirement in maintaining her safety and that of her daughter.
A University of Illinois study in 2009 revealed that the type of violence involved in the relationship had a strong bearing on the success or failure of co-parenting with an abusive ex. Breaking out violence into two distinct groups, "Situational Violence" and "Intimate Terrorism," the study interviewed 25 women about their co-parenting relationships.
Intimate Terrorism is used to control a partner and violence can be accompanied by mental, emotional and even financial abuse. When dealing with this type of abuse, it is imperative that rigid safety measures are observed
This calls for rigid, formal post-divorce safety measures, including supervised visitation of children and treatment approaches, such as a batterer's intervention group or alcohol or substance abuse treatment.
Situational Violence occurs most often because of poor conflict management and can usually be managed with anger management classes and therapy to teach the abuser better ways to handle their anger and frustration. The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides resources for battered women looking to provide safety and stability in their lives and the lives of their children.
Their Personal Safety Plan is one of the great resources they provide and can help those looking to extricate themselves from a bad relationship. Their hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. If you or someone you know is in need of a civil harassment restraining order as part of an overall safety and security plan, please contact our firm for a free confidential consultation.
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